


It Is Hard To Adapt To Chaos

by Kuroaloeart



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Friendship, Gen, Hartwin if you squint, Multi, Nightmares, Roxy and Eggsy are my brOTP, Slow Build, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 09:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4174413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuroaloeart/pseuds/Kuroaloeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few months after the events of V-Day, Eggsy is sent on a mission to investigate a terrorist cell in Mombasa when things thought buried rise to the surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Is Hard To Adapt To Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> _It is hard to adapt to chaos but it can be done. I am living proof of that: it can be done_  
>  -Kurt Vonnegut, “Breakfast of Champions”

The alarm on the bedside table rang mercilessly, the red numbers glaring at him.

06:00AM.

He’d been awake for a while, but only then did he get out of bed to start his day.

Eggsy had by now perfected his morning routine to the point that it had become mechanical. First was a morning run with JB. Shower was next followed by breakfast for his mother and his baby sister. He never felt hungry enough to eat in the morning these days. He had dressing himself down to the dot, placing his cufflinks correctly, tying his tie in a perfect Windsor knot. He slipped his glasses on and immediately pressed his finger lightly on the side to biometrically activate them. He checked his watch and slipped into his coat and Oxfords. After one last sweep of the house, he grabbed his umbrella and stepped out into the morning London air.

He entered Kingsman, waved at one of the shop assistants, and made his way to Fitting Room One. It had been his day off and now that that was over, he had to head back to the manor.

Ever since V-Day, all active Kingsman agents had barely had any time to rest. Arthur had been the only agent that had been compromised, and never had the international organisation been more grateful about that fact. However, it had not meant that none of the other agents had been safe from the dangers of V-Day. Bors was still in the medical bay, comatose. Bedivere and Gawain had died fighting against rioting crowds in Seoul and Madrid, respectively. Percival had a broken arm and, until he could return to the field, was helping Merlin with the recruits and supervision of missions.

Between completing missions and training new recruits to replace the fallen agents, Eggsy would have foregone a break altogether. He had missed his mum and sister, however, and with Merlin threatening to stop giving him missions, he had gracefully accepted. He needed them, maybe even more than any drug fix he had craved; they helped him focus on everything else apart from …he stopped himself, heart clenching painfully. Were it the name or codename, anything linking to his fallen mentor was painful to remember.

"Galahad."

Right on cue, he thought bitterly, barely flinching at the codename anymore.

“Morning, Merlin.”

"There’s a mission for you in Mombasa. In the shuttle, you will find a box from the shop. Please bring it with you when you get to the manor."

Mombasa. That was far. That was an excellent idea.

“Tell me more on the way home?” He could hear Merlin chuckling on his side and made himself comfortable. He looked around and on the empty seat in front of him was a box with the Kingsman insignia. That must be the one.

"Just get your arse over here."

“Language, bruv.”

Eggsy couldn’t help but give a ghost of a smile. After being told to fuck off by Merlin, and hearing the transmission cut off, he decided to rest until he arrived at his destination.  Burrowing himself into the seat, he closed his eyes and slowly nodded off.

* * *

He woke up to the sound of gospel music.

His blood ran cold. He looked around, finding himself in a church and sitting next to an old couple, looking at the front of the room, towards the preacher. He followed their gaze and from the corner of his eyes, saw Harry talking to a blonde woman. Eggsy felt sick. Not again, he thought to himself. He started feeling more and more nauseous as people started to move around him. His eyes were still on Harry, who had gotten up and started walking up the aisle, getting closer to Eggsy by the second. He had to warn him, tell him to get out as fast as he could. He saw the woman Harry had talked to getting up to follow Harry and the younger Kingsman agent knew that time was running out. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. He could only watch the scene unfolding before him, knowing how it would end.

Suddenly, what had seemed to be a scene in slow motion became complete mayhem.

Eggsy’s attention snapped from Harry to the elderly couple. The woman was gripping at her husband’s throat and squeezing. The man was half trying to loosen the hold around his neck, desperate for air, and half trying to throw a punch at his assailant. All around him, Eggsy could see people in cardigans and corduroy clawing at their neighbours, a collective rage possessing them all. He felt undiluted terror; his senses were in overdrive as he desperately looked for a way out of the situation. A burly looking parishioner ripped a slate of wood from the benches and was approaching Eggsy. He felt others coming closer, the sounds of bodies falling and flesh slamming against flesh and bone.  The sounds around him were getting muddled, the movements were too fast and violent, everything coming from too many sources at once.

Eggsy moved. He needed to survive this. He needed to get the fuck out

He needed to get to Harry.

He looked around and felt sudden dread that left him queasy and off-balance. He couldn’t see him. He desperately looked around, trying to find the familiar figure, when white-hot pain shot through his shoulder. Funny how, in this dream, the Kingsman suits weren’t much protection. Immediately he relied on his reflexes, adrenaline giving him the necessary push to fight his way through the demented crowd. He was punching, kicking, breaking bones and necks alike; all automatic reactions to everything happening around him. He needed to find Harry, and he needed to get them both out.

Find Harry. Get the hell out of here.

The words played over and over in his head as everything kept on moving around him. He noticed that a circle had formed not too far from where he was, and a single person was at its centre, moving like everything else in this hellhole. The bodies around him were dropping like flies and still the person didn’t stop, mercilessly shooting people, blood splattering more and more everywhere Eggsy looked.

Harry.

Eggsy pulled out his gun and ran.

Fewer and fewer people were standing, making it easier for Eggsy to see Harry and quickly swipe a look towards the heavy wooden doors of the church. Having more or less concocted an escape plan, he fought his way towards him. He was still high on adrenaline, finally reaching the edge of the deadly circle Harry had created and was continuously reshaping. Eggsy’s attention was caught by something to his left. Immediately he moved, and an axe sliced through where he had stood seconds before. He parried the next attack and sucker punched his assailant, his axe clattering on the floor. The young man grabbed it and none too soon as he swung it to his right, the finger of his other hand trained on the trigger. As the axe missed the threat, he shot at point blank, aiming for the head.

Harry’s body crumpled in front of him.

Eggsy froze. Suddenly they were alone in the church. Nothing was there but Harry’s body on the ground, blood pooling on the floor, and Eggsy pointing his gun at thin air. He couldn’t breathe. He slowly slid to the ground, and his knees hit the wooden planks. He crawled towards Harry’s body, groaning at every move he made, the various wounds he had received making themselves known. Everything around them slowly turned crimson and edged into darkness as Eggsy was crouching over Harry. Tears started welling in his eyes. Galahad, his Galahad, the real Galahad laid immobile before him. His face was covered in blood, his eyes open and empty.

They blinked. Harry’s lips began to move, but no sound was coming from his mouth.

“…Harry? Harry!” Eggsy immediately grabbed Harry’s shoulders. “Harry! Talk to me, bruv! It’s okay. I’m here! I’m sorry! It’s okay…it’s ok-“ He stopped as he felt his eyes on him, hoping Harry would… could reply.

“Eggsy…”

Fuck, he sounded so weak.

“I’m here. I’m right here, Harry. I’m not leaving! Help is coming, just fucking stay here, okay? I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m sorry…” Eggsy’s voice was cracking. He was trying to sound as comforting as he could because this was his nightmare, and no one would come, but Eggsy still bloody hoped…

Harry opened his mouth, blood slowly trickling from his lips. The younger agent would have berated his subconscious in any situation other than this one. He knew this was a fucking cliché in any death scene in every action movie he had watched with Roxy but at that moment, he only felt horror. Fuck, this was it. Harry was going to die in his arms in fuckin’ Kentucky. Again.

He pulled Eggsy in by his tie and garbled unintelligible sounds to his ear. Eggsy could only stay there, listening as closely as he could. Harry tugged at his tie again, the next word soft but full of disdain.

“You…” He swallowed. Eggsy knew this part. He had heard it over and over, and no matter how many times he’d had this dream, or any variant of it, it broke him. Still, he could do nothing but listen hoping that, this time, it would be different.

“You should be.”

Whatever was left of Eggsy’s heart at that point simply crumpled to dust. Harry’s body fell completely limp in his arms, the darkening red covering more and more of his hands, his clothes. Eggsy felt his sorrow and panic soar, everything becoming louder. He could only see blood.

* * *

 

 Eggsy snapped back into consciousness to the sound of his phone. The capsule had not yet reached its destination but he knew he had to be pretty close to the manor.

His phone beeped again. He rubbed his eyes and the bridge of his nose, reached into his pocket and looked at the screen; Roxy had sent him a snapchat of herself blowing a kiss to the camera lens, the Red Square behind her. The little caption accompanying the picture read From Russia With Love.  He couldn’t help but snort weakly at that. Trust his best friend to cheer him up with goofy things. Merlin would most probably skin them alive and then hand them back their hides for using such low security apps but they were always rather careful about it. In this picture, for instance, Roxy didn’t look like anything other than a tourist visiting Moscow and having fun, sharing some wannabe Facebook profile picture with her mates. Eggsy slipped his phone back into his pocket, the corner of his lips pulling upwards. He still couldn’t believe his luck in having found and kept Roxy as a friend. As the two youngest active agents at Kingsman, as well as having survived training together, the bond between them was one of the strongest that Eggsy had with another person.  

Of course, his traitorous mind offered, no bond could be stronger than the one he had felt with Harry. He tried to remove that particular sentence from his mind.  He couldn’t afford to revert back to the state he was in right after V-day. He needed to be strong, to think forward, to move forward. A Kingsman needed to be at the top of their game. But even then, anything could happen. Familiar thoughts crowded him; maybe Harry hadn’t been at a hundred percent when he had gone to Kentucky. Maybe he had been distracted by Eggsy’s failure and his own feelings of disappointment towards his protégé.  Maybe he, Eggsy, had actually been the reason Harry had  died. These thoughts weren’t new, but the pain he felt because of them was just as vivid as when they had first crashed into him. That was what his nightmares were probably trying to tell him, to be honest.

He was the one who had killed Harry Hart… Harry.

All these pulled him back to darker memories still. Flashes of his dream surfaced again, his smile having fallen just as quickly as it had come and was now long gone.

Lately, everything he had dreamed about revolved around Harry’s death. Each dream was somehow different yet exactly the same as what had transpired in The Church during that sermon. Sometimes he was killed before Harry, unable to save him. Other times Harry killed him, were it with an axe, his gun or his bare hands. Those were usually the lesser nightmares. It did, at least, fit his idea of a deserving punishment as the worthless Kingsman candidate fuck up who had only become a fully-fledged agent by sheer luck and desperation. His death could be swift or extremely painful, leaving him to bleed out on the floor or atop a mountain of bodies, depending on which version of the dream he was in. Sometimes, he was still in the church when Valentine shot Harry. The sense of dread would build and fester as he’d sprint towards the doors, exiting the building. Valentine and his goons would never pay attention to him. He was invisible, and he would run towards Harry’s corpse. He would then try to grab him by the shoulders and wouldn’t be able to.

Finally, there were the nightmares where Eggsy ended up killing Harry Hart. He had been nowhere near Kentucky when Harry was shot point blank in the head, but those were the dreams that felt the most real. Eggsy couldn’t shake them off.

As long as they don’t affect my performance during missions… And they hadn’t. He knew things like this could do your head in for good and fuck up anything you had tried to build. He wouldn’t put his colleagues in danger simply because he was going mental. But they haven’t, he thought to himself again. Merlin sometimes looked at him warily before sighing and handing him the next mission, always the next mission. Roxy had on more than one occasion opened her mouth and immediately closed it, refraining from making any comment… for the moment, at least.

He felt the shuttle slowing down.  As it came to a full stop the door opened, and he grabbed the Kingsman issued box as he exited the vehicle. He made his way through the manor until he reached Arthur’s office. He knocked twice and waited. A gentleman always knocked.

“Enter.”

Eggsy approached Merlin’s desk and tilted his head as a silent request to sit down. Merlin nodded and he sat, ready to be debriefed. A gentleman always asked if he could be seated.

“You’re late.” He said as he pushed a manila folder in front of Eggsy. The younger agent kept quiet and opened the folder. “What’s all this, then?” He was flipping through the pages, scanning the information a first time.

“As you know, since V-day, many terrorist organisations took what happened as a sign of their fate or cause. The usual, really.” He tapped on his clipboard and showed the interface to Eggsy. “Recently an unnamed terrorist cell has been on the rise in Somalia and Kenya. From our intel, we’ve gathered that they are planning something big in Mombasa. We aren’t yet clear on what exactly it is but…” Merlin taps a couple of things on the screen and a map of Mombasa flashed before them. “The way the information was understood, they’re planning something big.  Kingsman has had the pleasure of dealing with them before, so this isn’t an idle threat. Your mission is to assess the situation and deal with it.” Merlin stops to look at Eggsy and sighs. “It would normally be a two-person mission but as we are understaffed and overworked…” Eggsy nods curtly. They couldn’t afford to send two agents on one mission unless it was of the utmost importance.

“They speak Swahili in Mombasa, yeah?” Merlin nodded and pushed a set of phrasebooks. “You’re in luck. English is widely used but it never hurts to be a little more prepared. You’d do well to also familiarise yourself with a couple of key words in Somali as well.”

“S’alright. Me friend Jamal taught me some stuff to say in Swahili. He’s got an aunt living in Uganda or somethin’ like tha’. It’s mostly swear words, mind.” He should really try to not let his accent go any heavier. He was a Kingsman now; he needed to play the part completely. Merlin gave him a quick once-over and nodded at the box.

“You don’t need to change right away but inside the box you will find a more…suitable ensemble for Mombasa. Normally there wouldn’t be a problem with you wearing your usual Kingsman attire but we can’t afford to have you not blending in. The materials used are still standard field-tested as bulletproof. Since the clothes are looser, you’ll be able to hide more accessories on you; I know you favour the umbrella but it’s a shite choice for where you’re going so do be careful, Galahad.” Eggsy nodded. He continued reading through the file and after a while, noticed the silence in the room. He lifted his head to look at Merlin, giving him a questioning look.

“Everything alright, Merlin?”

“I could ask you the same question.” Merlin sighed and sunk into his armchair. He kept his eyes trained on him. “Everything alright, Eggsy?” He looked at the younger agent with worry in his eyes. Eggsy kept his cool exterior and was using his suit and glasses exactly as they should be used: as the modern gentleman’s armour. The edge of his mouth lifted into a small smirk.

“Yeah.” Eggsy looked at Merlin and made his smirk wider. “It’s all good.”

Merlin looked at him and waited a moment until he continued on with the debriefing. He kept on listening and reading through the mission’s details until nothing was left to add or discuss.

“Well, that’s me off, then.” He got up and saluted the other man. “Always a pleasure, Merlin.” He added charmingly. Merlin muttered a cheeky bugger as he exited the office, but Eggsy paid it no mind.

* * *

Eggsy hoisted himself up the ledge of the emergency stairway as he heard Merlin’s voice coming from his glasses.

“Galahad, what’s your status?”

He wiped the dust off his suit with a quick brush of his hands. “Getting into position. The target should be on third floor.” The sound of fingers typing came from the other end.

“Aye, one heat signature on the third floor, room 317. Hostiles are twenty minutes away so you might want to hurry up.” Eggsy reached out for his custom Tokarev, armed it, and opened the door.

It had been four days since he’d landed, in Mombasa and since then he had discreetly followed Merlin’s leads as well as his own, blending into the city. It had been a brilliant idea to not wear the usual Kingsman attire; he would have stuck out like a sore thumb. Instead, he strolled in the streets of the city in his linen suit and white shirt, the tie replaced by the first two buttons of his shirt being undone. As the days progressed, Eggsy had found out that quite a fair number of armed goons had been gathered; so many operatives in one place usually meant something big was going to happen. This did not bode well.

After sneaking into one of the men's’ rented flats, he discovered pertinent emails, as well as blueprints of a building, which he took pictures of for Merlin and his department. They’d been sent to Mombasa to assassinate a mark, and Eggsy was told to prevent the assassination from happening and instead apprehend the mark in question. Such a hit on him could mean he had valuable information. In any case, he could be of interest to Kingsman and so here he was, making his way to the third floor as silently as possible.

He gave a quick down the corridor to check if the coast was clear, and with Merlin’s approval, he approached room 317.

“The heat signature is moving about, Galahad. We don’t know who or what’s in there so be on your guard.”

“Understood”. Eggsy whispered and stuck his ear against the door. He could hear the pitter-patter of feet walking about the room. There was music playing in the background- he could hear the soft voice of the singer and the sound of someone walking away from the door.

“Now would be a good time.” Merlin pressed on.

“Yeah thanks, bruv.” Eggsy slowly turned the handle and opened the door. A quick look with his glasses assured him that the living room was empty. He could hear the music more clearly now. He waited a little while and counted to five. Slowly and without a sound, he pushed the door open.

“Wait, Galaha-“

Whatever Merlin was going to say was left unheard as Eggsy could only focus on the single click resonating near his ear.

“Put the gun down.”

Eggsy froze, the voice resonating inside his head. His mind must be playing tricks. He finally was off his rockers, then.  Well, at least he knew he had to seek professional help if he came out of this alive. Moments passed and still he hadn’t moved.

“Put the gun down, if you please.”

Yes, definitely crazy, he thought to himself. How else could he explain the mark’s voice sounding like…

“Harry?”

Merlin’s voice shot through his haze.

“… Harry?” Eggsy echoed, his throat suddenly feeling constricted. This couldn’t be happening. No way could his mentor who had been fuckin’ shot in the fuckin’ head be in a flat in fuckin’ Mombasa.

“… Eggsy?” There it was again. It was Harry’s voice. He just couldn’t be mistaken about this. He could hear Merlin swearing softly through his glasses. Very slowly he turned towards Harry. It had to be Harry. Merlin had heard him, had recognised him, for fuck’s sake. He first came into view of the butt of a gun, still pointed at him. His focus then zeroed on the man holding the gun.

“Harry.”

His hands were still clutching his gun, slowly pulling his finger from the trigger, not knowing what else to do. He wasn’t sure he could move if he was asked to, at this point. All he could do was stare at the older man. Harry was dressed in a similar fashion to himself, minus the jacket. He looked thinner and more tanned, but what drew Eggsy’s attention was the patch covering his left eye. Harry had slowly lowered his weapon but the younger agent could only stare at his face. They stayed rooted where they stood, staring wide-eyed at each other, until Eggsy’s glasses beeped, breaking the silence and making both men to blink.

“Yeah?” His voice sounded foreign and far away, Eggsy thought to himself.

“We deal with this later, Galahad.” Merlin tone was clipped and tense. “Right now you both need to move. Hostiles are about to enter the building.”

“Right.” Eggsy still hadn’t moved. How…

“Galahad!” Merlin’s voice made him snap back into reality.

“Right.” He repeated. “Right. We need to go. Now. Grab what you need. Two minutes.” Eggsy began moving again with a purpose. Harry didn’t move. Didn’t he trust Eggsy? “Harry! Fuckin’ move!” They didn’t have time for this, he thought to himself. The mark needed to be extracted safely. Everything else would be dealt with when they were out of here. Apparently it was all Harry needed as he rushed to grab a duffel bag near the door as well as another gun under a couch. When he nodded at Eggsy, the younger agent looked at the corridor; it was still empty.

“Merlin, which way?”

“Emergency exit, they are only using the building’s stairs.”

“Understood.” He looked back at Harry and nodded him to move. “Go. I’ll cover you.”

“They’re on the second floor.”

The two men ran for the emergency exit, pushing it open and immediately closed it. They could hear the faint sound of footsteps from the other side of the door.

They made their way down to the street with minimal effort and noise. So far, they hadn’t brought any attention to themselves but Eggsy stayed on high alert.

“Galahad, I need you to place a tracker on the hostiles’ van or on the driver. We can’t risk them discovering their mark’s whereabouts. Your priority is to get both you and the mark back to safety. Geraint has just finished up with his mission in Yemen and will take care of the clean-up.”

Eggsy couldn’t help but notice Merlin sounded terse. It felt a little good to know he wasn’t the only one affected, professionalism excluded. He looked back at Harry and first made the hand gesture for stop. He then curled his fingers into a fist. Freeze. Stay put. Harry nodded and immediately, Eggsy walked in a nonchalant manner towards the front of the building where the van was parked. He would only have a split second to react but he felt confident he could pull off what he had in mind. He walked to the passenger’s seat at the front of the van. Looking around as though he was a lost tourist, he saw both windows were open; a simple mistake that he could use against them. Pretending he was confused, he looked at his watch, as though waiting for something or someone. It was only for a brief moment but it was enough for him to press on his watch for a tracker dart to imbed itself into the man’s Kevlar vest. He continued on and as though realising he was heading in the wrong direction, turned around and headed the way he has come from. The driver hadn’t even budged, let alone looked in his direction. Years of walking in the streets of London had taught him how to be unassuming and somewhat invisible, and he casually made his way back to the older man.

“Receiving the tracker’s signal loud and clear. Go to the extraction point.”

“Safe, man.”

He had no idea how he was still so calm. He was really trying to be as put together as he could be and, oddly enough, it was working. He was pretty impressed with himself, all things considered. Still, this was not the place to over-think things, he told himself. As Eggsy walked towards Harry, he gently pressed his hand to the small of his back and removed it as soon as the man started walking with him. Geraint would take care of the rest. Together, they melted into the crowd.  

Thirty minutes later, they were boarding one of Kingsman’s private planes. As soon as they were both in, the doors closed and the plane started to get ready for departure. Eggsy quietly made his way to one of the seats and made himself comfortable. Looking outside, he let out a deep sigh. He still had to keep up appearances; the mark was with him. It was easier to think of his mentor whom he thought was dead as the mark.  Sooner or later everything would collapse, but he was sure he could postpone any form of panic attack until after they had reached the manor.

Eggsy tried not to think what would happen when they landed.

He heard someone sitting down in the seat facing his. He lifted his head and was met with a view that made his throat tighten. Fuck, it was painful to breathe. There was the man who kept dying in his dreams, the man who had died on a screen. There was the man for whom they had drunk a shot of fuckin’ 1815 Napoleonic Brandy. Eggsy had mourned him. Eggsy was still mourning him.  He didn’t know how to process this. Was he angry? Sad? Did he feel betrayed? Lost? Was it all of the above and more? He had no bloody clue. He could barely deal with the present.

Harry Hart was sitting opposite him.

A faint voice broke the silence, bringing Eggsy back to reality. Their pilot reminded them to fasten their seat belts for take-off and wished them a pleasant flight. Eggsy couldn’t help but smile a little at that. It had felt so normal, so mundane. Doing what the pilot had asked, he corrected his posture and crossed his legs. He needed to keep telling himself to remain calm. He needed a casual distraction. Remaining distant could be an option; anything was good as long as it kept him from getting lost in his thoughts.

When it was safe to unfasten their seat belts, Eggsy got up to find relief in the liquor cabinet; a stiff drink could never hurt. Without looking behind him, he opened his mouth.

“Would you care for a drink?”

He sounded calm, composed and polite; a true gentleman. He mentally patted himself on the back.

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

Eggsy mostly succeeded in remaining calm. He just had to continue thinking he was on a mission. He was good at missions. He nodded and poured two tumblers of scotch. For the life of him, he couldn’t focus on the brand on the bottle but he did remember that Harry drank his neat. Making his way back to their seats, he handed one glass to the older man and nodded as he offered a thank you. As he sat down, he raised his glass and took a sip. Over the rim of the glass, he saw Harry down the contents in one go. Eggsy took another sip and gently placed his glass on the table between them. He placed one arm on the armrest and the other on his thigh. He was sure he was doing a pretty good job at reflecting poise and togetherness. He could deal with whatever happened now.

Harry looked uncomfortable, his face showing concern and doubt. They were barely there but Eggsy had picked up on them; necessity had made him good at reading body language. He did nothing with the information at hand, however, and remained silent. After what felt like hours, for both of them, the younger man reached for his tumbler and took a small sip. Harry kept on staring in his direction; he probably was trying to get a read on his protégé. Eggsy let nothing show. It went on for a while until Harry shifted, looking at Eggsy as though he was about to speak.

“Eggsy.”

He could hear him hesitating. He paused and swallowed, his eyes still on the younger man in front of him. Said younger man was doing his best to keep appearances. Harry leaned forward.

“Eggsy, my dear boy…”

“Would you care for another glass?”

Eggsy had to interrupt him. They couldn’t do this now, whatever this was that Harry wanted to talk about. He had to mentally keep his distance from that particular kind of topic for the time being. Harry sounded uncertain and at a loss for words. At the same time, it seemed as though he wanted to discuss certain points that Eggsy was not ready to deal with; he needed this conversation to not happen in a plane’s cabin where he had no means of escaping. There were always parachutes, he told himself. He could always lock himself in the bathroom or in the pilot’s cockpit. Instead he chose diversion as a viable tactic. Harry seemed a little taken aback by Eggsy’s interruption but nodded, resignation settling in. As he got up, the younger agent knew that this was going to be a long flight. Sooner or later he was going to run out of excuses. Part of him still couldn’t believe his mentor was in the plane with him. Maybe it was some sick trick his mind was playing on him. Another part was still very much confused about everything. But another part of him couldn’t help but feel euphoria; Harry Hart was alive and coming home.

* * *

Eggsy’s plan for the remainder of the flight was to sleep it off. When the pilot announced that they were starting their descent towards the estate, he was rather proud of himself that he had mostly managed. There had been awkward moments during the flight but overall, no conversation had escalated further than inconsequential small talk. Eggsy quickly glanced at Harry. The man still had a look of resignation on his face but the younger man refused to dwell on it further. They were almost at the manor; things would be settled then.

After the plane had landed, they both made it to Arthur’s, now Merlin and Percival’s, office. Eggsy knew Merlin was waiting for them and simply opened the door and walked it. He hadn’t looked back but he felt Harry’s presence behind him and heard the door click.

“Galahad. I see you still haven’t learned how to knock.”

A gentleman always knocked. Congratulations, Eggsy, you are an idiot, he thought to himself. Then again, maybe Merlin could have let it pass this one time where things were pretty much up and down. Something popped into his brain; Merlin had sounded off just then. He knew Harry would pick up on that.  Still, he nodded at the chair and as soon as Merlin nodded back, he sat down. Harry stayed put behind the second chair.

The room felt small all of a sudden, small and stifling. Merlin was looking at Harry and Harry seemed completely unfazed at first but the other two men could feel the third man in the room was not as much at ease as he let on.

“So, you’re alive.”

The words did nothing to alleviate the tension in the room. Harry looked as though he was weighing his words carefully. Eggsy still felt distant to the whole situation; it almost felt like he was watching a movie. Merlin was looking at the other man with an unreadable expression. Finally, Harry spoke up.

“It would appear so, yes.”

Silence permeated the room once more. Merlin kept his eyes on Harry. He must have found part of what he was looking for because he sighed and started to type into his clipboard.

“I am guessing your personal server is still active. I sent you the necessary forms to be reinstated in Kingsman, if that is what you wish. You will of course have to complete physical and mental examinations for that to happen.”

Harry nodded. Eggsy, on the other hand, suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe. Harry could be reinstated. Harry was alive. He had made himself not think of it and of course it all came crashing down at that moment. Harry was alive. Harry was alive. Harry was alive. Ha- …He stopped dead in his metaphorical tracks. Harry would be reinstated. Harry’s old codename was Galahad. Harry was Galahad. Fuck, he felt he was going to be sick. They were finally going to kick him out. Harry was alive and Harry was Galahad. Harry had not died in a church in Kentucky. Harry was going to replace him. Harry was not fuckin’ dead. Oh god, Harry wasn’t dead… It was all too much to deal with. He did the only thing he thought he could do. Looking at Merlin, he mentioned something about calling his mum and as calmly as he could, excused himself from the room.

He could distantly hear Merlin and Harry’s voices from the other side of the door and he could swear he heard them raising them at one point. They became fainter as he walked further away from the room, heading towards the outside grounds. He needed to calm down. He was a Kingsman, he had to deal with it and move the fuck on. Harry was alive and that was a good thing… right? Even if Eggsy was fired, Harry would be back and it would all be better. He had promised he would fix things.

The moment he stepped outside, he crumpled on the staircase and sat down. His legs seemed wobbly and unstable and Eggsy felt like he couldn’t breathe.  His eyes were prickling and the lump in his throat was growing by the second. He was going to cry. For fuck’s sake he was about to cry and he wasn’t sure he could stop it. His chest felt constricted, tight. He couldn’t breathe. Was this a panic attack? Shit, he couldn’t afford to have a panic attack right now. On and on his thoughts were swirling in his head, making everything worse with every minute. His cheeks were wet. Shit, he was actually crying. His hands immediately went to his mouth moments before he let out a sob. His ears rang as he tried to hold it all in. His shoulders shook from the effort. The abrupt movement made him snap back to his senses. He needed a safer place to…

He needed to get away.

He clumsily stood up and made his way to a cluster of trees. As he reached the grove, he placed a hand on one of the trunks to stabilise himself, his other hand still clasped over his mouth. His shoulders kept on shaking with each sob. Leaning on a tree, he slowly slid to the ground. It was getting worse. He tried stifling as much sound as he could but he was crying and sobbing so much there really was nothing he could do but press his palms harder against his mouth. Everything was jumbled in his head but certain thoughts made themselves louder than others, making his head spin. Harry was alive. Harry was alive. He was going to get kicked out. He was going to be alone. He was going to be left alone. Harry was alive. He needed to control himself, to bloody breathe. He needed to stop. He felt like he was choking on every breath he tried to take.  Stinging tears clouded his vision as he cried himself hoarse.

* * *

Harry was about to get up to follow the younger man when Merlin shook his head.

“Harry, don’t.”

He typed something on his tablet and put it on the side. He shot a glance at it and could see a white dot on a map; Eggsy was still wearing his activated glasses and was still on the estate. That was good, he thought to himself.

Harry looked at the other man and looked back at the door. Merlin kept his eyes focused on him. Moments passed and Merlin had just … had enough. He removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose, slouching in his chair. Harry shuffled in his seat, warily looking at Merlin.

“Eggsy took it harder than most when you…”

Merlin paused and tried another sentence.

“He was watching the feed in your office when you were in that bloody church in Kentucky.”

Merlin stared at Harry as the other man looked considerably paler.

“Of course,” Harry muttered. “He was in my office.”

“We saw everything from your point of view while you were in that church. We saw you get shot in the head thanks to the feed from your glasses.” Merlin gave his old friend a tired look. “We all thought you were dead, Harry.”

Harry looked pained. Silence permeated the room once more. Eventually, Harry shifted again and words stumbled out of his mouth.

“I wasn’t, for a while at least.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I was in a coma for a little more than three months and then was in and out of consciousness for a week or so.”

“Weren’t you within reach of the SIM cards Valentine was using?”

“The hospital I was taken to was in the middle of nowhere. They also happened to have a zero tolerance policy on mobile devices. There weren’t enough active SIM cards on hospital grounds to cause too much of an issue.”

“Convenient.”

“Quite.”

Merlin couldn’t help but glance at his tablet. The dot remained where it had been since the last time he had checked. That could be a good thing but he’d keep looking just in case Eggsy decided to leave the property. He’d have a right to, if Merlin was honest with himself. In any case, the younger man’s glasses were still transmitting image and sound so if anything became worrisome, he could always send a recruit or Percival to get to Eggsy.

He went back to staring at the man in front of him. He caught Harry looking at his tablet. He seemed as though he was itching to go and find his protégé.

“He’ll need time, Harry.”

Harry didn’t reply but looked at the tablet again. Merlin sighed heavily.

“Why didn’t you come back when you were better? Or at least contact us while you were in hospital and had access to a bloody phone?”

Even to himself, Merlin sounded tired. The reality of the situation, that Harry was alive, didn’t shock him that much. It did, however, use up a lot of his energy to stay focused on Harry and Eggsy’s extraction. He’d noticed Harry’s personal server still existed even after Harry’s supposed death but it hadn’t raised any alarms. The blasted thing was encrypted to such a degree that Merlin couldn’t even view its entering and exiting flows of data. He mentally shook his head and pointedly looked at his friend. Harry remained silence and immobile; it didn’t surprise Merlin one bit.

“What’s your plan, then? Now that we know you aren’t dead, what are you going to do?” He couldn’t help but sound a little cold. Like many, he had mourned his friend Harry as well as the old Galahad. He had felt betrayed for a few minutes but then had moved on. Still, some feelings lingered, even if he was aware most agents had back-up plans a plenty.

Harry looked so much older than he was for a moment.

“I honestly don’t know, Callum.” He glanced at the tablet again and then back to Merlin.

There was yet again a lull in the conversation. This was getting ridiculous, Merlin thought to himself. His and Harry’s relationship had never felt this excruciatingly awkward. But he persevered.

“I wasn’t taking the piss when I mentioned reinstating you. We could use your expertise.”

“Kingsman seems to have been doing well for itself.”

Merlin nodded at that. “We are. Barely.” He swivelled a little on his chair. “It would seem that when most of the leaders of the world got their heads blown off, loads of cleaning up has to be done. We’re lucky to have Lancelot and Galahad with us. They’ve learned quickly, and are extremely efficient.”

Merlin was looking at Harry as he was speaking so he hadn’t missed how his friend had smiled proudly at the last part, not matter how small that smile was. He himself couldn’t help but feel proud of their new Galahad. He had become the perfect representation of the modern gentleman spy, as had Roxy, for that matter. He wasn’t even ashamed to admit they were his favourites. Percival had noticed but hadn’t minded much; he had always had a soft spot for his niece. Truly, he was grateful both of their recruits had made it to the position of Kingsman.

“Your boy has done very well for himself. You would be proud.”

“I am.”

“Have you been keeping tabs on him?”

Harry’s smile grew a little at that. “I tried to. But he has been rather discreet while completing his missions. I’ve only been able to keep track of certain aspects.” Merlin gave him a look. “He hasn’t been compromised. I simply know where to look. Eggsy has been known to be sentimental.”

“He’s learned.”

Merlin hadn’t only meant Eggsy’s capacities of staying under the radar. He had noticed that the younger man was dealing with a lot more then he would let on. And yet he seemed to be put together. Merlin hadn’t pushed. A Kingsman needed to be able to deal with these things and Eggsy was dealing with them in a manner that didn’t put his professionalism at risk. However, he had a feeling Eggsy would need help. And when that time came, he would be there for their newest knight. From the corner of his eye he saw Harry’s expression change to a more conflicted set of emotions. He could still see the pride and joy that had been there previously but the implications of what Merlin had said last hung in the air. He sighed.

“Well, whatever you choose, you really should complete the various aptitude tests. The eye is going to be a challenge at first, I’m guessing.”

He paused before mentioning one of the things that had been on his mind since both him and Eggsy had found out that Harry was still alive.

“It would be the best way to see if you have been compromised. That or potentially be a threat to the Agency.”

Merlin had expected a reaction from the other man. Harry simply nodded, resignation showing on his face.

“Understandable.”

“Believe me, Harry, it’s purely protocol and red tape but it has to be done.”

Harry smiles softly at that. “I do thank you for your trust in me.”

Merlin sunk just a little bit more into his chair. Maybe at this rate, he’d go through it. A thought occurred to him and he let his lips form a smile.

“You realise you just pulled a James Bond, right?”

Harry sighed heavily, a little bit of exasperation showing. “Merlin, for fuck’s sake…”

Merlin snorts at that. It was good for them to fall back into their usual banter, even for a little while.  They continued exchanging jibes and comments for a while. Harry was extremely interested to hear how Eggsy had grown as an agent. Of course, Merlin only shared superficial information. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Harry but one could never be too careful. Every so often, Merlin would check on his tablet, where the white dot was. It still hasn’t moved.  Harry would try and be as discreet as he could but he could tell when he was stealing a glance or two at the screen.

"You'll have to talk to the lad at some point, Harry."

The other man nodded again. Clearly, Merlin was the voice of reason and Harry was wise enough to recognise it, as always. However, when he spoke, he seemed unsettled.

"I have no bloody idea how... Shit."

Merlin did give him a sympathetic look at that. "Eggsy's still young. And I’m sure he’ll understand."

"To be quite honest, I really don't know how that conversation will turn out."

Merlin said nothing in return. He had known that Harry had seen Eggsy as more than a young man he had had to sponsor. He genuinely cared about him. Merlin couldn't yet tell to what extent, but he'd have to monitor the situation. He wasn't sure if Harry even realised just how much he cared. This didn't need to be investigated now, though, and thus he focused on another problem.

"Your house is still as is. You can move back in as soon as you've been cleared."

"Thank you."

"Eggsy and his family live a couple of houses away. We would have given him your house, since he is the current Galahad but that never fell through." Eggsy had refused immediately, but he didn't have to add that tidbit of information. He was pretty sure Harry had put two and two together. "In any case, you'll be staying here for the time being."

"Of course."

"Well, then." He turned his chair and stood. Harry, taking that as the dismissal it clearly was, got up as well. "I think that pretty much covers it. In will let you know about the tests and such." He escorted Harry to the door and after he pushed it open, he patted Harry on the shoulder.

"It's really good to have you back." He smiled at him.

Harry smiled right back and left.

Merlin closed the door behind him and walked back to his desk. He slid the tablet so it laid in right front of him. The dot was still where it had been before. He pressed his index on the side of his glasses and cranked the volume of Eggsy's communication channel up. He could hear that the younger agent had stopped crying but his breathing was still harsh. He was calming down, which was good. Agents needed to let their emotions out. Eggsy was being healthier than most agents but Merlin would still need to talk about it. Now could be a good idea. It would serve the dual purpose of taking care of Eggsy and keeping him and Harry apart, at least for the moment. He gently pressed the corner of his glasses and spoke up.

"Galahad?"

He could hear something shifting on the other side and someone trying to clear their throat in a discreet manner.

"Here, bruv. Need anything?"

Merlin could tell that Eggsy was trying to be cheerful. Some would say he was going soft, but he felt compelled to comfort their newest knight. He could use a cup of tea, or even a large tumbler of scotch, himself.

"Meet me in the library, Eggsy?"

Eggsy paused on the other side, but his voice barely shook as he replied.

"Yeah, alright."

Merlin pressed the corner of his glasses and, grabbing his tablet, headed to the library. When he reached it, he crashed into one of the settees there and removed his glasses before throwing an arm over his eyes.  

* * *

"Meet me in the library, Eggsy?

Eggsy paused at that. Merlin only called him by his actual name when they weren't working or when things were closer to home. Perhaps Merlin wasn't feeling as okay with things as he had seemed.  He tried to keep his voice from shaking as he replied.

"Yeah, okay."

He got up, dusted himself off and walked towards the house.

When he made it to the library, the door had been left it ajar; Merlin, no doubt. He entered the room and made his way to the free sofa, proceeding to sprawl upon it.

“You didn’t knock, Eggsy.”

Merlin sounded exhausted, the remark coming off more as an automatism than a proper scolding.

“Yeah, forgot. Sorry, bruv.”

Merlin said nothing in return and stayed exactly as Eggsy had found him; lying down with his face covered by his forearm. The younger man’s posture wasn’t much better but neither of them could care about looking like a proper gentleman, it seemed. Eggsy looked around the room and caught his reflection in one of the glass panels of one of the furniture pieces of the room; he looked a right mess. His eyes and cheeks were red. Adding to that the red colour of his nose, one conclusion could be made; Eggsy had cried a good amount. He felt vulnerable, exposed, and tried to rub the red off of his face.

After what felt like a while, but couldn’t possibly be more than a few minutes, Merlin’s voice pierced the silence.

“How are you holding up?”

Eggsy could hear Merlin was concerned. He could trust him, he did, but at the same time he didn’t want to seem even weaker than he already felt.

“How ‘bout you?”

“Avoiding a question with a question. How bloody unexpected.”

Merlin was frustrated. He probably was tired and on the brink of losing it as well. Eggsy was feeling similar things. Weren’t they both painting a lovely picture? Two agents slowly losing their cool over one same fact; their friend and mentor was alive and back. What messed up universe had they both fallen into where they were more disturbed by it than happy about it?

Eggsy paused before replying. “I don’t know, Merlin. I feel so fucking lost.”

It had taken a good chunk of his energy to admit that. At the same time, he felt he should be the one to start and maybe Merlin would open up as well, so that he felt less alone about the whole ordeal.

“He was my closest friend.”

It had taken a long time between Eggsy’s confession and Merlin’s, but it had come out. Eggsy had half expected Merlin to keep his mouth shut and just lay there.

“He is my closest friend, I mean.” A pained chuckle escaped his lips. “Fuckin’ Christ, I should not be this bothered by this.” He removed his forearm from his eyes and sat up a little. He rubbed his face with his hands. For the first time since Eggsy had entered the library, Merlin looked at him.

“You know, he wanted to follow you. I stopped him, figured you’d need some time alone.”

“Aw, Merlin. I didn’t know you cared.”

Eggsy needed to lighten the mood. It was one of his ways of coping with situations that took too much out of him. Merlin shook his head at that.

“Eggsy. You know I do.” He paused. “So does Harry.”

The newest Galahad scoffed at that.

“Enough to fuck off and let us think he was dead.” He sat up straighter. “Merlin, it’s been mo-“

“I bloody well know, Eggsy!” Merlin interrupted him, sounding frustrated, angry, sad… Eggsy pressed his lips together. He couldn’t find anything to say after that. He knew he hadn’t been the only one affected by Harry’s death and his coming back to London. It felt like after everything they had gone through together, Harry hadn’t trusted either of them. It hurt. It fuckin’ hurt. Eggsy couldn’t help but laugh emptily.

“Well, we make a brilliant pair, don’t we?”

Merlin joined in with his own hollow chuckle.

Eggsy eyed the bottles on a tray nearby and tilted his head towards it so Merlin could follow.

“I could use a stiff drink. Care to join?”

“Fuck, yes.”

Merlin’s accent was getting heavier by the moment; a clear indication of how done with it all the older man was. He poured their drinks and made his way back to the sofas. Eggsy had a huge feeling of déja vu; he had done it in the plane. He mentally shook his head and handed Merlin his glass and presented his own so they could clink them together. They both silently drank from them.

Eggsy was too hyped and tired at the same time to remain quiet. “So… what’s going to happen, then?”

“If he passes the tests… He’ll be reinstated as a Kingsman agent.”

Eggsy looked down at his tumbler and very softly asked.

“… reinstated as Galahad?”

Merlin downed the contents of his glass. He slowly got up and headed to fill it up again.

“Eggsy?” He lifted the bottle.

“ ‘m good, thanks.”

He fiddled with his glass and took a small sip. This was probably it, then. Harry would no doubt pass whatever test he needed to pass and he would be patted on the back and sent back to Kennington in a Kingsman cab. His mum and sister would be moving back with him to that shitty apartment. He’d noticed Merlin sitting down on the couch again and staring at him.

“That’s it, then?”

Merlin downed his second glass and fiddled with it in his hands.

“Really, Eggsy? You’d really think we’d just shove you in a corner? After everything?”

He didn’t sound angry or annoyed. The disappointment and sadness in his tone made Eggsy feel a little ashamed for thinking immediately of the worst thing that could happen. He kept his mouth shut and kept on looking at his glass.

“Harry has been Galahad for decades. I only meant that we’d give you a new codename. You’d have ample choice as well, considering.” Merlin got up again to fill his glass a third time. “But we could also simply give him a new codename. Or, Hell, he could be the new Arthur if things go that well.”

The corner of the older man’s mouth curved up at that. Eggsy scoffed at that.

“He’d hate it, being still though, right?”  He downed the rest of his glass. “It’s a desk job, innit? He’d go mental with the politics and all.”

“Potentially, yes.” Merlin’s smirk grew a little.

The younger agent chuckled at that. Payback was going to happen one way or another, and Merlin would make sure it would happen sweetly.

 Later that night, as Eggsy was heading towards the shuttle to London, he saw a familiar figure waiting for him. As soon as Harry saw Eggsy approaching, his posture stiffened.  The newer agent didn’t particularly want to talk to his sponsor, and after a couple of tumblers of whiskey he knew he had to be extra careful.

“Eggsy.”

The man wasn’t in his way but he didn’t have to be; Eggsy stopped in his tracks.

“Evening, Harry.”

He tried sounding as distant and cold as he could. He’d be needing to be for the foreseeable future as far as his sponsor was concerned.

“Could we talk, perhaps?”

He sounded calm and composed. Eggsy fucking hated that. He could play a similar game, however; he was a Kingsman after all. He slipped on a neutral expression on his face and replied just as calmly in his most posh Harry Hart accent.

“I’m afraid that it will have to wait, my mother and sister are waiting for me.”

“Ah, yes, of course. Please send them my regards, if you would?”

He nodded at that. Harry let nothing slip except for a slight shift to the left. He pulled a business card out of his pocket and handed it to Eggsy.

“Should you need or want to contact me…” He kept his hand in place until Eggsy removed the piece of paper from his fingers and placed it in his own pocket. “I am at your disposal.”

Eggsy nodded and moved towards the shuttle. He still felt completely lost about the current turn of events but, at the core of it, he couldn’t help but feel joy.

“Welcome back, Harry.”

* * *

Eggsy texted Roxy as soon as the doors of the shuttle closed and the shuttle itself started moving. Nothing too specific, mind, he thought to himself. It was one thing needing some form of comfort, and another jeopardising their organisation and the safety of Harry Hart. Chances were that Roxy wouldn’t see his text until after the completion of her mission. She most probably was knee deep in unconscious bodies or sneaking inside of Russian Mafia territory. He’d just have to wait.

Still, Merlin had given him authorisation to talk to Roxy about Harry’s status in Kingsman, so as soon as they were on a secure channel he’d explain everything. He checked the time; he would probably manage to get home after both Michelle and his sister were asleep. Tomorrow, he thought to himself, he’d pamper them. A relaxed smile slowly made its way to his face. He pushed his glasses back into position and slowly reached for the piece of paper in his pocket. It was a simple white card with black embossed numbers and Harry’s initials.

H. H.

He played with the card a little, twirling between with his fingers. He’d text Harry, he knew that. He’d text him eventually. Probably would be best to make the bastard wait, though. Revenge wouldn’t only be coming from Merlin if Eggsy had any say in it. He slipped the card back into his pocket and patiently waited to arrive at his destination.

Finally he reached his house and slowly entered. His mother and sister were sleeping soundly.  Nodding to himself, he went to his own room and got ready for bed.

It was only a few days later that Eggsy sent Harry a text on that number. He was still tender on the subject, but there had been logic to Harry’s actions, even if Eggsy had neither forgiven nor forgotten them. The text simply read:

“Ready for that talk.”

Not two minutes later, his phone beeped.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of this April's Camp NaNoWriMo and my first attempt at writing more than a ficlet. 
> 
> I have to say without certain people this would have never ever been published.
> 
> A huge shout out to:  
> [AgentDagonet](agentdagonet.tumblr.com) for betaing this story (or [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukikoCurrier/pseuds/Dagonet) on AO3. Seriously, you spent hours on this beta-ing this and I am eternally grateful. Seriously. have all the hugs <3  
> [Moretta](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Moretta/pseuds/Moretta) who helped me out many times  
> [venvephe](venvephe.tumblr.com) (or [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/venvephe/pseuds/venvephe)on AO3)for cheering me on during the writing process  
> [miss-bronte](mis-bronte.tumblr.com) (or [here](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Brona/pseuds/Brona)on AO3)for wanting to read more of the fic as I would feed her snippets to see if it was readable.
> 
> All of you, thank you.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading and let me know if you did :)
> 
> My tumblr is [theartsypumpkin](theartsypumpkin.tumblr.com). Come say hi and talk headcanons with me!


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